Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
