nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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