It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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