Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize