What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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