Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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