yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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