And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
