everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
