can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
