Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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