the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
