Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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