last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
