so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
