What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
