i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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