I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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