i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
