Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
