Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
