nut hugger
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
