he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and she was petting her beer can
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
