um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
