I think my vagina is haunted
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsš
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thatās the third time this month heās hooked up with a girl by telling her itās his bachelor party, and heās not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
