the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
