if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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