Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
