I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
