Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
