Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
