So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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