i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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