Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
