Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
