Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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