My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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