And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
