like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
