I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
