I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dicks are not precious.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
