So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
