my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
