this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
