your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
