Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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