The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
