It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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