No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
