I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
