I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize