Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm at about main and main street
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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