Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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