My room smells like vodka and shame
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Quick, to the slutcave!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
