just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
