Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
