yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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