Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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