PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
