i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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