Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize