god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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