he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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