lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
