Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
