i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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