dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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