I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
