3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
