Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
