I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
