there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
