If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
