Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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