Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
