I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
