I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
